Under the Sycamore

Under the Sycamore is one of my most favorite blogs to read.  She is super crafty and amazingly talented.  She and her husband had 4 children and then adopted a little girl from China.  Her writing and pictures have brought me to tears many times..... and today I wanted to share one of her sweet blog posts.  Click here to read "100 days with my daughter."  I needed a Kleenex.  You may, too.

I also highly encourage you to take an hour of your time and read about their adoption.  Click here to get to their adoption journey.  I can't think of a much better way to spend an hour than reading over their story.  

I may link to her again in the future because I have so related to her writing.  She wrote an awesome post about cleft lip that makes my heart move each time I read it.  Click here for her cleft lip post.

Our adoption process is moving forward and I find my heart in a tug of war.  One side is the you-have-a-son-in-China side and the other side is the fearful side.  The fearful side wonders what if something happens. What if we can't raise enough money?  What if China doesn't approve of us?    What if our home study doesn't go well?  What if?  What if?  Meanwhile, the you-have-a-son-in-China side of my heart aches, literally aches to get this boy home.  Matt and I already picture our family as one with 4 children.  I already think about "the boys."  Sometimes (often), I just have to shut this side of my heart down and disengage it because it feels too out of my control and too hard that this little boy has to go through some really hard things without me there, without his family there.  He doesn't even know that he has a mommy, a daddy, two sisters, and a brother who already adore him.

Yet, I think both of these sides of my heart are right places for God to work - for me to confess my anxiety, worry, and lack of faith to my own adoptive Father, who works all things for my good.  I think he wants me to wrestle with these things.  

So I do.